


Sunshine

by kittenofdoomage



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Reader Insert, Sadness, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:24:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenofdoomage/pseuds/kittenofdoomage
Summary: Angst makes me write, I guess. Normal text is current events, italics are the past and bold is song lyrics. Inspired by Staind - Something To Remind You.





	

**So this is it**

The early morning sunlight was bright as it flashed over you, curled in the backseat of the Impala. Dean’s lap was underneath your head, his hand holding your sticky one, coated in dried claret. His head was bowed, and the fingers of his other hand stroked over your forehead and cheek; his attempt to keep your focus on him. ‘Hang in there, gorgeous.’ 

But the sunlight was bright, and it kept all your attention.

**I say goodbye**

_ You giggled as strong fingers roused you from sleep by stroking over your sides, tickling you. Dean buried his nose in the back of your neck, drawing you closer, pressing his morning erection into the cleft of your ass. ‘Good morning gorgeous.’ _

_ A yawn split your lips, and you turned in the bed, throwing one leg over his hip, rubbing your bare pussy against him. ‘Morning, sexy.’ _

**To this chapter of my ever-changing life**

The Impala’s engine growled and roared as it moved along the street, and you saw Sam turn his head out of the corner of your eye, glancing over at you where you laid, hair and clothes stained with blood. You were pale, you could see it in your reflection in the glass - you looked like a ghost.

‘How’s she doing?’ Sam asked, quietly.

‘She’s good, just keep going,’ Dean replied, his voice gruff and thick with emotion. You let your eyes drift closed for a second, enjoying the rumble of his voice, almost as though it would lull you into sleep. But sleep wasn’t happening. ‘Keep your eyes open, baby.’ Dean’s thumb brushed over your cheek, and you opened your eyes again.

**And there's mistakes, the path is long**

_ ‘Hmmmm.’ You slid your arms around Dean’s neck, threading your fingers through his messy short hair. ‘I love you sexy bed head,’ you whispered, prompting him to smirk. _

_ ‘That all you love?’ He answered, giving a thrust of his hips, the tip of his cock bumping into your exposed slit, and you grinned widely. _

_ ‘I love plenty of things about you, Dean Winchester.’ _

**And I'm sure I'll answer for them when I'm gone**

‘We have to stop for gas, Dean. We’re not gonna make it if we don’t.’ Sam’s voice was tight, and muffled, and you listened carefully, realising you didn’t even know where you were going. Everything felt numb, and you stared out of the back window of the Impala, seeing the dried dirt on the outside of the window, the sun highlighting each speck as the car continued down the road.

‘Make it quick,’ Dean answered his brother, his fingers tightening around your other hand.

‘Dean?’ You croaked, staring out of the window.

He hunched over you a little more. ‘Yeah, sweetheart?’

‘Where are we going?’

**So when the day comes and the sun won't touch my face**

_ Long, languid kisses were the best, and Dean was a master with his mouth. He always managed to send you spiralling higher than you thought possible, his fingers skillfully playing you like a finely tuned instrument. But right now, you wanted more than kisses. _

_ ‘Dean -’ You gasped. _

_ ‘Yeah, I know,’ he growled back, pulling your leg tighter around his hip, grinding his erection into your core. You were already slick and ready for him, and he slid home easily, both of you gasping at the intimate connection. ‘Fuck, I’ll never get tired of mornings like this.’ _

**Tell the ones who cared enough that I finally left this place**

‘You got hurt,’ Dean spoke haltingly, his voice getting more gravelly by the second. You smiled, turning your head slightly into the crook of his arm, nuzzling at him.

‘I don’t feel hurt.’

He didn’t respond to that, except for the tightening of his hand around yours, and Sam cleared his throat from the front seat. ‘She’s in shock. She can’t feel it anymore.’ You didn’t say anything; you could barely make sense of their words, but you knew you wanted them to keep talking.

‘Is that bad?’ Dean asked his brother, but Sam didn’t reply.

**It’s been so cold, look at my face**

_ Dean rolled so you were on top of him, and arched his hips, pushing up hard into your core and you shrieked, falling forward with your hands on his chest. He laughed at your surprise, wrapping his arms around you as you looked up at him with hair in your face. _

_ ‘Sorry,’ he whispered, coaxing a kiss from your twisted lips. The scowl melted from your face as he held you fast and started to thrust up into you, the limited movement somehow providing more friction. ‘How’s that?’ _

_ ‘Mmm,’ you groaned, kissing him back. ‘Don’t stop.’ _

**All the stories it will tell I can't erase**

You were humming now, enjoying the warmth of the sun, barely interrupted by anything other than the odd tree. As the car rumbled to a stop, you felt everything jostle as Sam climbed out, but Dean remained in the back with you, still stroking your face tenderly.

‘I’m pretty sleepy,’ you whispered, wanting to lift your hand and touch him, but everything was heavy and refused to obey. ‘How long until we get home?’

‘We’re not going home,’ Dean replied, and you could hear the anguish in his voice, but for the life of you, you didn’t know what it was for. ‘Gonna get you seen to, sweetheart. You just gotta hold on and stay awake.’

**The road is long, just one more song**

_ You gasped as Dean thrust up into you again, one large hand covering your ass to push you back down against him. Your teeth grazed against his neck as you buried your face against him, your fingers clinging to his shoulders. _

_ ‘I love you,’ you whispered, and Dean smiled, turning his head to look you in the eye. _

_ ‘I know,’ he replied, giving a harder thrust and making you yelp. _

_ ‘Don’t quote Star Wars at me,’ you reprimanded, pushing up against his hold. He didn’t resist, letting you sit up straight on his body, his cock pressing deeper into you. _

_ ‘You started it,’ he pointed out, earning himself a light smack to the ribs. ‘Playin’ rough, sweetheart?’ _

**A little something to remind you when I'm gone**

‘Dean…’ Sam’s voice was muffled and accompanied by a tap on the window. ‘We’re good to go, I’m gonna get her some water.’

Dean nodded, glancing out of the window, feeling you sigh against his hold. ‘Be quick about it,’ he barked, and Sam nodded, his facial expression tight with worry. He knew Dean didn’t mean to snap, but the situation was getting more tense by the minute. ‘We won’t be long, baby, I promise.’

‘I’m good,’ you whispered, wanting nothing more than to snuggle into him, but you were too tired to move. The seat underneath you was sticky, and you opened your mouth to tell Dean he needed to clean up the car. But instead of speech, a whimper left your lips, just as pain lanced through your midsection.

**When I'm gone**

_ ‘We won’t be able to do this for much longer,’ you whispered, threading your fingers through Dean’s as you rolled your hips over his. He groaned, holding back from rolling you over and relentlessly pounding you into the mattress.  _

_ ‘We’ll make the most of it,’ he promised, mossy green eyes looking up at you in adoration. ‘I’m sure we can sneak in the odd lazy morning in bed.’ _

_ You laughed, slowing your movements. ‘You’re optimistic.’ _

_ Dean smiled, releasing one hand to brush it over your belly, his thumb grazing down over the slight swell of your bump. ‘Hey, it’s my kid. He’ll like sleep.’ His fingers dipped lower, and you mewled as he found your clit, swiping the pad of his thumb over the bundle of nerves and making your body jerk on top of his. ‘Now, shut up and come for me.’ _

**The road to hell, along the way**

‘Sssh, ssh, sweetheart, you’re gonna be fine,’ Dean pulled you up a little in his lap as you cried out, his hand holding yours tightly. ‘Just hold on, please.’

Sam returned then, climbing into the driver's seat, and panicking when he heard you crying, turning to see Dean holding you close, his face pressed against your forehead. ‘Shit -’

‘Just drive, Sam.’

‘Half hour, tops, we’ll be there.’

‘Dean…’ you gasped, squeezing your eyes shut. ‘What… why does it hurt?’ You moved your hand in a sudden motion, covering your stomach and feeling the cooling sticky patch of blood.

**Is paved with good intentions so they say**

_ ‘Fuck, Dean -’ You screamed, writhing on top of him as your orgasm hit you, and Dean was quick to follow you over the edge, pumping up into you as his climax filled you to the brim. He caught you as you let the lax feeling spread through your body, his laughter mirroring your giggles as the both of you landed in a tumble of limbs amongst the covers.  _

_ ‘Hmm,’ he nuzzled his nose into your cheek. ‘We should get up.’ _

_ You nodded, running your fingers through your own messy hair. ‘There’s probably work to do.’ _

_ ‘Oh, hey now, you’re on research duty, remember?’ _

_ ‘Yeah, yeah.’ You grinned, pressing your lips to his for another kiss. ‘I got it, Daddy Bear.’ _

_ Dean smiled. ‘Damn straight.’ _

**And some believe, that no good deed**

Tears spilled down your cheeks, and you turned your head away from the sunlight, finding that it was stinging your eyes now. ‘Dean -’

‘Just a few more minutes, baby, I swear it,’ he sounded so desperate and terrified; hearing him like that only made you feel more so. ‘I promise, we’re gonna get you to the hospital and fix you.’

And that was it, the raw truth. You were hurt. The blood was yours, and you could feel the life ebbing out of you now, the shock of everything wearing off. But your injury wasn’t your primary concern. You arched your neck, looking up at Dean with watery eyes.

‘Dean, what about John…’

Dean shook his head, shushing you. ‘John is fine. He’s with Bobby, remember? He’s safe.’ He wiped furiously at the tears in his own eyes, giving you a smile that was one hundred percent fake for your benefit. ‘You’re gonna be fine, and you’re gonna come home with us.’

**That go unpunished in the end or so it seems**

_ ‘You sure this is a good idea?’ Dean asked, watching as you packed up John’s things in the diaper bag. The baby monitor squeaked as the three-month-old gurgled from his cot. ‘I mean, you’re still recovering -’ _

_ ‘Dean, I’m gonna be fine. I need to do something. Sitting at home isn’t my style, you know that.’ You looked up, smiling reassuringly at him. ‘This is a milk run.’ _

_ He sighed, walking closer, glancing at the baby monitor as it lit up. ‘Bobby might -’ _

_ You turned, placing your hands on his chest, smoothing down his Henley and smiling again. ‘Bobby will be fine. He knows what to do with John, and he’s a brilliant grandad. If you’re that worried, why don’t you stay, and me and Sam will take care of this pack?’ _

_ Dean shook his head. ‘Hell no, you’re not going on your own.’ You opened your mouth to argue that Sam would be there, but Dean beat you to it. ‘You know what I mean.’ _

_ ‘I do. Now, why don’t you go and say goodbye to your son before I get him off to sleep. We’ll be gone two days tops, and all Bobby is gonna do is watch Tori and Dean with him.’ _

**So when the day comes and the sun won't touch my face**

‘You were right,’ you whispered, fresh tears spilling down your cheeks as you tried not to cough. ‘I should have… I should have stayed behind.’

Dean shook his head. ‘This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. We didn’t check properly, we didn’t… we didn’t know about the other wolf.’ He bent awkwardly, kissing your forehead hard, his fingers squeezing yours. ‘But you’re gonna be fine.’

‘It really hurts, Dean.’

‘I know.’

**Tell the ones who cared enough that I've finally left this place**

_ The night was drawing in, and you felt the blood pumping through your veins in a rush, the adrenaline of your first hunt in months making you antsy to get on with it. Dean smiled over at you from the driver’s side, and Sam leaned in between the seats from the back. _

_ ‘So, we got four wolves, ten kills in town and three missing.’ _

_ ‘Pack building?’ You suggested, raising an eyebrow as you looked at the younger Winchester. _

_ ‘It’s possible,’ he admitted. ‘But so far, only four wolves confirmed. Jason said there was definitely four at the old barn.’ _

_ Dean frowned as he steered the Impala through the backwater town of Charming, which was anything but it’s namesake. ‘Tell me again why Jason couldn’t take care of this on his own?’ _

_ ‘His partner got shot two nights ago. They had to drive a state over to get to a hospital.’ Sam shrugged. ‘These little towns, man. They barely have a pharmacy. Bad injuries need a doctor, and apparently this warranted one.’ _

_ ‘Wait, so a  _ wolf _ shot him?’ _

_ ‘No, the owner of the barn did. Local’s aren’t too friendly by all accounts.’ _

**That's been so cold, look at my face**

Your fingers felt cold, and you flexed them, sucking in a shaky breath as Dean checked the wound on your stomach. Four thick claw marks, sliced clean through your shirt and into your flesh, but he hadn’t been able to ascertain just how deep they were through all the blood. You could feel it now, the pain lingering despite the numbness and shock that had consumed you.

‘Dean, this is bad,’ you choked out, and he shook his head.

‘I’ve seen worse,’ he lied, not meeting your eyes. Sunlight lit up his pale face, highlighting his freckles, and you wished you had another chance to count them. He was so handsome, and you’d been so lucky.

You only hoped he was able to carry on without you.

‘Dean, promise me -’

‘I’m not making any promises until you’re better. Then I’m gonna make good on my promise to marry you,’ he interrupted, stubbornly, and you gave a choked laugh, shaking your head a little in response. ‘Don’t speak like this is it, Y/N, please -’

‘What if it is?’

He swallowed, shaking his head insistently. ‘No. I’m not gonna let it take you. You’re gonna be fine.’

**All the stories it will tell I can't erase**

_ ‘This is it,’ Sam spoke quietly, pointing up ahead where a sign directed to “McGregor Farm”. ‘We should go on foot from here.’ _

_ Dean stopped the car on the side of the road, looking over at you and placing one hand on your leg, squeezing it gently. ‘Let’s load up.’ He removed his hand and climbed out, you and Sam following suit. _

_ The trunk was full, as usual, and you pulled out your favourite sawn off, loaded with silver cartridges, and the pistol Dean had given you four years ago, when you’d met. Adding a machete to the collection, you looked up, catching Dean’s eyes with a smile. ‘I’m ready to rock and roll.’ _

_ He smirked, nodding at you before checking his brother had everything. _

_ ‘Well then.’ He slammed the trunk. ‘Let’s get to work.’ _

**The road is long, just one more song**

The sunlight disappeared from the back of the car as a building blocked it out, and Dean looked up. You felt Sam stop the car, and heard the door creak as he climbed out. ‘We’re here,’ Dean whispered. ‘Look, hospital. You’re awake, you’re breathing, you’re gonna be fine.’

You smiled, nodding, not wanting to tell him that the numbness was creeping up your body again; that you could no longer feel much of anything. Sam was shouting out to someone, and moments later, the door opened, and your body was dragged gently from the car. The gurney was soft under your back, and you cried out as Dean’s hand was pulled from yours.

‘Wait, no, I wanna -’ His voice was cut off by someone else speaking, but you couldn’t see anything, and couldn’t turn your head to find him with your eyes.

‘I’ll show you to the waiting area, sir, but she needs urgent attention.’

You let your eyes fall shut, praying for the strength to hold on.

**A little something to remind you when I'm gone**

_ ‘Dean, on your left!’ Sam’s voice caught your attention, just as a werewolf burst through the flimsy barn wall, and you fell backwards under its weight. It snarled and snapped inches from your face and you shoved with everything you had, giving yourself enough room to grab your gun and shot the creature in the heart. It fell backwards, reverting to human form, blood slowly trickling from the wound. You rolled onto your side and shrieked. _

_ ‘Y/N!’ Dean called, and you got to your feet. _

_ ‘I’m fine!’ You replied, looking down at the half-decomposed corpse you’d almost cuddled by accident. ‘Found another one of the victims.’ _

_ ‘Is that all four?’ Sam asked, appearing in your line of sight, and you glanced around, counting three dead wolves. _

_ ‘Nope,’ you commented, just as a gunshot rang out, and a body dropped from the hayloft, making a disgusting crunch as it hit the floor, dead. Dean peered out from the balcony, grinning at the fourth wolf’s body. ‘Yep.’ _

_ ‘Job done then,’ Dean called, holstering his gun. _

_ You looked over at Sam. ‘Quick check?’ You asked, and he nodded, bending to the first victim’s body and checking for identification. Turning to the wall that the wolf had burst from, you took a step forward, feeling the sharp sting of pain before you saw the claws gleaming in the dull light, stained with your blood. _

_ Dean’s voice screamed your name, and another gunshot echoed through the wooden building, just as you crumpled to the floor. _

**So this is it, I say goodbye**

‘There’s nothing more we can do.’

‘Bobby is on his way.’

_ Beep-beep, beep-beep _ .

‘It’s just a waiting game now.’

You opened your eyes a crack, seeing the tiled ceiling above you, and you winced at the bright light in the middle. There was a breathing tube hooked under your nose which itched, and you felt weaker than you’d ever felt before in your life.

‘She’s awake.’ Sam’s voice made you blink, and a few seconds later, Dean’s face hovered in your view, giving you a sense of relief.

‘Hey, sweetheart.’ Your lips were cracked as you tried to reply, but you gave up quickly, feeling tears gather in your eyes. Dean’s face crumbled, and he disappeared for a second, before returning and placing something against your lips. ‘Here.’ The ice chip was heaven, and you let it fall into your mouth, soothing the soreness of your dry throat. ‘That better.’

‘Yeah,’ you croaked, trying to nod. Everything felt stiff, but the pain was no longer there. ‘They fixed me?’

Dean looked guilty for a moment, turning his head away and closing his eyes, and you realised that maybe they hadn’t fixed you after all. ‘They did everything they could. The damage is… it’s bad. And Cas isn’t answering.’

You squeezed your eyes shut, taking the information in. They must have dosed you with painkillers to stop it hurting. But they couldn’t fix it.

‘They said it’s a miracle you’ve held on, but it’s just…’ He was trying so hard not to cry, and it only freshened your tears, which seeped out of your eyes and down into your ears, making them tickle a little. ‘It’s just a matter of time. You lost too much blood. There’s too much damage. The more they put in, you’re just losing it again.’

**To this chapter of my ever-changing life**

_ ‘Y/N!’ Dean screamed, rushing towards you, skidding down to his knees by your side as you lay there, wide-eyed in the surprise at your injury. ‘Fuck,’ he growled, covering the wound with his hands, blood bubbling up between his fingers. Sam was there in a second, ripping his shirt off and passing it to his brother to stem the flow of claret. ‘How far away is the hospital?’ Dean demanded, his voice steely with determination. _

_ ‘About two hours.’ _

_ ‘Help me get her in the car.’ _

_ ‘Dean -’ Sam started, only to be cut off by his brother. _

_ ‘No, Sam, help me, now!’ Dean snarled. You panted as you lay still, letting your eyes fall shut, barely registering either man touching you. As you felt everything slowly lose focus, Dean’s hand touched your face. ‘Stay with me, baby.’ _

_ You nodded, opening your eyes again, focusing on him as they carried you from the barn. The sky was getting light with the dawn, and you shifted your eyes from Dean’s worried face to the stars, wondering if you’d even see the sunlight. _

**And there's mistakes, the path was long**

The machine was getting slower, you were sure of it. You could feel your heart struggling to pump what little blood you had left, and you sucked in a breath, feeling your chest rattle in response. ‘Dean -’

‘Yeah, baby, I’m here.’ His fingers were threading through yours, but the feeling was numb like you’d been sat on your hand for a really long time. ‘I’m right here.’

‘John…’

Dean’s other hand came up to stroke your hair, tears falling freely from his green eyes. ‘Bobby is bringing him. They’re not going to be long.’

‘I’m not gonna get to say goodbye,’ you rasped, flexing your free hand, barely able to feel it. Everything seemed to be growing brighter, and someone flashed in and out of focus to the other side of your bed, just on your peripheral vision. ‘There’s a reaper here.’

Dean looked up, panic on his face, and he shook his head. ‘They’ll give you time.’

‘I know the rules, Dean,’ you whispered. ‘Don’t try and bring me back. Please.’

‘Baby, hold on,’ he pleaded, kissing your forehead as you stopped even trying to hold the tears back. You could hear Sam in the distance, somewhere else in the room, begging Castiel to show his face, but you knew the angel wouldn’t come. Your time was up.

Your voice was waning as you tried to speak again. ‘Dean…’

‘I’m here,’ he replied again, stroking your hair. It felt nice to have him touching you, and you let your eyes fall closed for the first time. ‘No, Y/N…’

‘Just be you, baby,’ you said, holding onto the mental image of him and John, knowing he’d raise him right - hunter or not. ‘You got this.’

The machine beeped once more and then gave a steady line of noise, and Dean cried out. You watched from the side of the bed, shoulder to shoulder with the reaper that had come for you.

‘You can stay for a few moments, if you’d like,’ the reaper said, his tone gentle as he spoke. You wiped at your face, wondering how it was spirits could cry. ‘If you want to say goodbye to your son.’

‘He’ll never know me,’ you whispered. ‘I’ve done to him what I promised I never would.’

The door to the room opened, but you didn’t turn as Bobby walked in. John was crying, and your heart twisted, making you feel worse than you ever thought possible. The reaper sighed, placing a hand on your shoulder.

‘This was your destiny. Winchesters are forged in loss, and John will be no different. But don’t think he won’t know you. Your memory is what will make him great.’ The reaper smiled. ‘Dean will make sure of that.’

You nodded, turning finally to see Bobby stood, tears in his eyes as he saw Dean collapsed over your body, his fingers clutching at you desperately. Sam was on the floor with his head in his hands, hard sobbing making his body shake.

‘Dean -’ You whispered, wanting nothing more than to reach out for him. He stood straight, turning to look at you, but you knew he couldn’t see you. His swollen eyes were focusing on his son, who stopped crying, reaching out with chubby little hands.

Dean stepped forward, pausing in front of your spectral form as Bobby held out the small boy, offering him to his father, who reached for him, pulling him through you like a cloud, holding him close.

‘He has something to remind him,’ you whispered, standing right in front of your family, wishing for one last chance to hold them. Dean was crying silently, holding John close as the small infant curled into him, rest coming easy to him now he was in his father’s hold. You ghosted your fingers over Dean’s cheek, and he glanced up, his eyes searching the room.

The reaper came up behind you, drawing your gaze away from Dean and John. ‘It’s time.’

You sighed, taking one last look at your boys. ‘I know.’

‘You’ll see them again,’ the reaper promised, and your breathing hitched in your throat as you turned with him, replying softly:

‘I hope not for a very long time.’

**And I'm sure I'll answer for them when I'm gone**

**_When I’m gone_ **

 


End file.
